My Favorite Songs and Albums of 2011

I posted this as a note for my friends on facebook to check out and figured I'd go ahead and x-post it here.

My Favorite Songs of 2011

Playlist of all 30 Favorite Tracks

Hello friends! I’ve compiled a list of my favorite songs and albums of the year 2011. It’s been awhile since I released a list into the publicosphere, so I just want to preface these two lists with a few thoughts:

1. This is all purely my own personal opinion for my own personal enjoyment. I’m putting this list on facebook mainly for you guys to check out new artists/albums you may not have heard yet.

2. And since it’s my own personal opinion, it’s going to be somewhat limited. I listened to a hundred+ different albums over the course of the year, and although the albums ranged from metal to hip-hop to classical, my own personal preferences ultimately take over when it comes to making a list of my favorites. So, even though an album in a specific genre might be excellent to fans of that genre, I might not enjoy it as much simply because my music tastes lean in a different direction.

3. Please add any personal thoughts or ask any questions you might have. There’s definitely room for discussion here.

30. “Rolling in the Deep” by Adele

Out of all the artists on this list I don’t think anybody had a bigger year than Adele. She swept the Grammys and had 6 MILLION cds sold. That’s a heckuva lot in this age of online piracy. In order to sell that many copies, though, you have to be doing something right. Adele’s bread and butter are her powerful, bluesy-silk vocals, which she uses in full-force on this track. Her soaring voice and the almost Gospel-like barn-stomping piano make for one of the most memorable pop songs of the year.

29. “Yonkers” by Tyler, the Creator

This is one of those rare songs where I feel that you have to watch the music video in order to feel the song’s full impact. Tyler’s flow on this song is as left-field as it is smooth, possessing a sort of dark humor that turns disquieting with the unforgettable imagery of the music video.

28. “Judges” by Colin Stetson

This song is probably about as “metal” as Jazz music gets. Almost immediately you’re confronted with a wall of sound—a punishing bassline, a smattering of percussion, and a quiet, ghostly cry that takes over the song’s mid-section. Musically, it’s fascinating. I’ve never heard anything quite like it.

27. “Church and Law” by When Saints Go Machine

The first minute of this song is pretty disjointed, with a smattering of bright sounds and instruments and themes coming and going. And then, all of a sudden, the song stiffens, and a menacing piano-synth takes over the rest of the track, transforming it into an infectious, danceable tune with a huge chorus.

26. “Your Love is Calling My Name/The Animator/Come to the City” by The War on Drugs

It’s kind of cheating, but these three songs feed into each other so seamlessly that it’s really just one big, epic track. To me, these three tunes evoke every emotion that one feels when traveling on the open road. The first two tracks are excellent build-ups to the album’s centerpiece, “Come to the City,” which has the kind of musical bombast that would make 1980’s U2 proud.

25. “Polish Girl” by Neon Indian

There are so many songs out there that are just one Billboard Top-40 play from becoming huge hits, this song included. It definitely has the kind of catchy synth riffs that could sell a pop song, that’s for sure. It still possesses Neon Indian’s signature “chillwave” sound by utilizing old-school 80’s sound effects throughout, but at the song’s heart is a thumping, catchy synth riff that helps propel it a cut above the rest.

24. “Operation” by Yuck

This British band’s first album possesses all the caveats that made bands like Pavement and Dinosaur Jr. staples of 90’s college-rock. What really works for Yuck—and on this song especially—is that they take all the best elements of this era of music and do so without it sounding phony or cheap.

23. “Lotus Flower” by Radiohead

Radiohead’s eighth studio release was solid but still a bit of a letdown considering the reputation of their previous work. “Lotus Flower” sure is a beauty of a single, though, with an ethereal bass-groove complimented by a nifty drum pattern and Thom Yorke’s signature falsetto.

22. “Kool On” by The Roots

I haven’t always been the biggest Roots fan, but this song really works for me. It’s got a vintage funky-soul loop and a very smooth flow that is delivered with enormous gospel-like feeling.

21. “Still Sound” by Toro Y Moi

The second chillwave artist to make my favorites list, Toro Y Moi’s “Still Sound” is a funky, pulsing dance beat that possesses the distorted sounds found in 70’s chill-jazz, with a hint of disco.

20. “Niggas in Paris” by Jay-Z & Kanye West

Easily the most quotable song on this list (ain’t it, Jay?). So many culturally-relevant one-liners! Beyond that, though, is a really catchy tune and some nice deliveries by both artists.

19. “More” by Nils Frahm

Felt by German-born composer Nils Frahm is a wonderfully intimate, piano-driven album. The quietness made me feel like I was sitting in the room as it was being recorded, able to hear the warm clunks of his piano keys against the strings. All the songs are great, but the urgent flutter of this track made it stand out to me above the others.

18. “Child Soldier” by Oneohtrix Point Never

I know my ears aren’t trained to hear all the layers, but there is so much going on this song, chiefly the abrasive juxtaposition of a stabbing, noisy hitbox chop and an ambient Blade Runner-esque synth. It’s really captivating.

17. “Bitter Branches” by PJ Harvey

What’s great about PJ Harvey’s Let England Shake is that although all the songs work and flow so well into each other thematically, they’re still able to stand out on their own. Such is the case on the track “Bitter Branches,” which has a quick, folk-rocksy guitar riff that’s immediately overshadowed by PJ Harvey’s singing, which possesses a neat Siouxsie and the Banshees kind of wail to it.

16. “Marvin’s Room” by Drake

This track perfectly captures the atmosphere of a late, drunken night gone wrong. The storytelling on this song is top-notch, with Drake singing and rapping lyrics that conjure far more than just the narrator’s muddled state of mind.

15. “Easy” by Pure X

For all the lo-fi feedback (and there’s a lot of it), at its heart this song is still a romantic ballad. The recording is dense and foggy, but the heartfelt emotion you hear in his vocals is anything but.

14. “Go Outside” by Cults

Catchy pop at its best. “Pumped Up Kicks” got all the airplay, but I thought this was the song of the summer.

13. “It’s Real” by Real Estate

Released in the middle of July, this song possesses summery, breezy warmth in its poppy guitars and wistful singing. Heck, I’d give anything to be able to come up with a chorus half as good as the one on this track.

12. “D.D.” by The Weeknd

This guy totally kills it on this song vocally. I’ve never heard someone come so close to sounding like Michael Jackson. In many respects it’s a very straightforward, faithful cover, but it still possesses that depraved atmosphere at the core of so many of The Weeknd’s songs.

11. “The Wilhelm Scream” by James Blake

Now, just about everybody has heard the Wilhelm Scream in film, although they might not know it. It’s a yelp/scream that’s been recycled through numerous Hollywood films as a sort of an inside-joke. What this scream has to do with the song itself is beyond me. All I know is that Blake’s soulful croon on this song is $$$.

10. “Helplessness Blues” by Fleet Foxes

A folksy, soul-searching track that combines the band’s penchant for awesome melodies and their Crosby, Stills & Nash-esque harmonies. Lyrically, though, it’s probably the most impressive song they’ve done.

9. “County Line” by Cass McCombs

Totally captures the desperation one feels traveling from county to county, carrying all of their burdens with them. The song is a slow ballad, but it really takes off when the chorus drops and McCombs hits all the high notes in his arsenal.

8. “July” by Youth Lagoon

I need to go through this list and see how many of these songs are about love gone bad. I’d imagine quite a lot. What stands out about this song is how nostalgic it sounds. This cut feels like a memory, almost hallucinatory, as it slowly builds up into a huge, sweeping melody that’s raw and powerful.

7. “Santa Fe” by Beirut

“Santa Fe” starts off with an untypical choppy synth line, followed by a foot-tapping rhythm and Condon’s affecting croon. And, of course, the horns, which sound absolutely golden on this track. Just a great feel-good song and probably the best hook they’ve released since “Postcards From Italy.”

6. “Burned Out” by The Field

Like most of his songs, this one takes its time as it slowly builds up, churning out layer after layer of trance-synth. Two-folds hypnotic and beautiful, and not to mention I almost crapped my pants when I realized the song had been sampling Bruce Springsteen’s “I’m On Fire” the entire time. It’s also strangely soothing, yet not in a boring way, as each layer of added sound is as sonically fascinating as the next.

5. “Bizness” by Tune-Yards

Unlike a good amount of the songs on this list, this song didn’t require repeated listens for me to know that I’d heard something remarkably unique the first time I played it. It combines so many different brumal sound elements—Afro-pop rhythms, vocal synth-flurries, a groovy bass-line. What sells it all, though, is Merrill Garbus’ huge, soulful voice that functions more as a force-of-nature than an instrument.

4. “Cruel” by St. Vincent

Annie Clarke’s purest pop song to date. Moments of orchestra, plinking New Wave synths, a trotting drum beat, and her super-distorted guitar slashing all jumbled together to create pop bliss. As infectious and danceable as the song may be, though, lyrically it deals with abuse, which is strange because the way Clarke sings a stretched-out “cruel” during the chorus seems almost triumphant. That’s the icing on the cake, though. That chorus is awesome.

3. “Cave Song” by WU LYF

I was actually going back and forth as to what WU LYF song I wanted to round out my top five, because to be honest there are probably three or four other songs from their debut album that I could have put in this spot. This song may not be everybody’s cup of tea on first listen, as it combines gruff, almost unintelligible vocals with gorgeous guitar playing that reminds me of Explosions in the Sky or other post-rock bands. I’m a sucker for anytime a band sings with unbridled passion and urgency though, which is WU LYF’s calling card. The vocals here are animalistic and heraldic, the music swift and powerful and swirling. This song is big, especially at its climactic finish.

2. “The Morning” by The Weeknd

Goodness, this song is gorgeous. Ignoring the lyrics, you’ve got Abel Tesfaye’s gorgeous, quivering falsetto over hazy, atmospheric synths and a slick guitar riff as the song slowly builds up over a minute-and-a-half ‘til those rapturous drums and massive chorus come in. It sounds like baby-making music, to be honest. But it isn’t. As gorgeous as the song and the melody may be, “The Morning” is as bleak as they come, describing the decadence we often forget exists with the nightlife. The narrator attended a party he never should have gone to, and what we are left with is the foggy, drugged-out aftermath. There’s regret, introspection, shame. And if you’re hoping for solace by the song’s end, you’re not going to find any. That’s one of the many tragic beauties of The Weeknd’s storytelling.

1. “Midnight City” by M83

And here we are. I hate to go with the general consensus on this one (as this song has topped a lot of “Best Of 2011” lists), but this was absolutely my favorite song of 2011. The song just feels immense as soon as you press play and those colossal metallic synthesizers kick in, almost like the countdown to a rocket launching. Soon the opening is followed by even heavier synth textures, giving the electronica a full-band feeling as Anthony Gonzalez sings softly (which contrasts sharply with the bombast of the music). Despite all the adrenaline-pumping drums and synth, though, it’s the saxophone solo that totally steals the show and totally sends this song into the upper-echelons of pop music’s greatest compositions. What makes “Midnight City” so great is that it totally captures that 80’s New Wave nostalgia and transports it into 2011 without sounding hokey or forced. Grandiose and memorable, “Midnight City” was my favorite song of 2011.

My Ten Favorite Albums of 2011

10. Helplessness Blues by Fleet Foxes

The second album by Fleet Foxes sees the band treading along a familiar path, albeit one that goes in all sorts of cool new directions. It still has the awesome harmonies and pastoral soundscapes that we’ve come to expect of the band, and not to mention some captivating melodies. Lyrically, this album was a lot more thoughtful and less obtuse than their first release, which was a step in the right direction I thought. It’s not as lively or upbeat as their first album, but that’s not a bad thing at all, as the melancholy, self-searching tone of the album really goes well with the instrumentation and harmonies.

9. Watch the Throne by Jay-Z & Kanye West

I know hip-hop artists collaborate all the time, but I’m generally skeptical of collaboration albums, especially considering that Jay-Z’s last collaboration was with…Linkin Park. See, in sports, collaborations almost always work. You take one great player and put him with another great player and good things happen. The same can’t be said for music, as it’s not necessarily two people working together but a new entity altogether. Plenty of great artists have come together to make some astonishingly bad music: Mick Jagger and David Bowie (“Dancing in the Streets”), Jack White and Alicia Keys (“Another Way to Die”), and I think Ozzy Osbourne did a song with Miss Piggy at some point. Anyway, you get my point. This collaboration, however, works. Neither artist sounds out of place or like they’re hogging the limelight—they checked their egos at the door and created some really creative beats and tongue-in-cheek lines that people are still quoting. It’s just a great, consistently good album that hopefully laid the groundwork for future collaborations.

8. Felt by Nils Frahm

Felt is a primarily piano-drive classical album by German composer Nils Frahm. Frahm wanted to play his instrument of choice at night without waking up his neighbors, so he put felt on all the strings of the piano, creating a unique dampening effect and the namesake for his album. The result was something quietly beautiful. The music is close and intimate: you hear the turning of pages, the thumps of his foot on the pedal, the shifting in his seat. When I listened to the recording, it felt like I was there in the room with him. It’s no wonder that the entire album was recorded in the late hours of the evening, as every song has a melancholy, nocturnal mood to it. It’s a new benchmark in modern classical music, and the fact that the guy is only 23 makes me pretty excited to see what direction his future compositions go in.

7. Replica by Oneohtrix Point Never

A huge, huge step for the artist. Filled with bleak, postmodern soundscapes typical to previous releases, what sets this album apart is that each song can stand on its own. The music still possesses the Blade Runner ambient synth, but this time Oneohtrix Point Never couples the snyths with some really inventive samples, a lot of them taken from commercials that he remembered from his childhood in the 80’s. Despite the meticulous fragmentation you hear in a lot of the songs, there’s still a very complete, very poignant vision.

6. Looping State of Mind by The Field

I’ve heard The Field described as “maximalist minimalism,” which I think is a pretty apt description. That being said, this is probably his least minimalist effort to date and easily his best. The beats are bigger and heavier, the synths louder, the trance more seamless. Each song starts off with a beat, before slowly another pattern is built on top of it, and then another, and another. Before long you have so much added to the initial track that although at its core it’s still the same initial beat and loop, the song has morphed into something different altogether. It’s hypnotic, really. Most importantly, though, it’s beautiful, thought-provoking music that can be as calming as it is electrifying.

5. Let England Shake by PJ Harvey

Just being upfront, I’ve never been a big PJ Harvey fan. Her early stuff just didn’t do it for me—too raw, too forceful, etc…So I was happily surprised at how much I enjoyed this album when I first listened to it. In the past, Harvey had let her guitar do most of the damage, but here it’s her lyrics, as each song details visions of war, apocalypse, and general devastation. Lyrics aside, the music is a total break from the heaviness of her earlier work. It’s dreamy, inviting, and danceable—just about every song is song is a standout that could function as its own single. You hear a lot of different influences too, from blues to English folk to early 60’s rock and roll—all different but blended together seamlessly.

4. Take Care by Drake

Drake’s first album was pretty cool. Nice beats, cool hooks, some clever lyrics. What I really, really, like about this album is how personal it is. This is an extremely heartfelt, candid album that, much like My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, explores the artist’s mind and all the sorrow plaguing it. Drake puts his heart on the table for all to hear, delving into some really intimate subject matter, from his relationship with his mother to the problems of fame to all the heartache he’s experienced with women. The beats, cool hooks, clever lyrics, and featured players are all still here, but this time around it’s Drake’s songwriting that really makes this album.

3. Go Tell Fire to the Mountain by WU LYF

I remember the buzz surrounding these guys before we knew who they were. Only one picture had been released: it was them wearing bandanas while shrouded in smoke, their arms upraised to the sky. I wondered if they were anarchists, or a cult, or maybe both. Their name did stand for World Unite Lucifer Youth Foundation, after all.

And then their album dropped and everything made sense. It’s gospel music. Recorded in a church (hence the organ on several tracks, which works great), the album, which at times feels like a paramilitary call-to-arms and at other times a set of hymns than an actual album, is among the most unique and genuinely original to be released in 2011. The drums pound like bombs, the reverb-soaked guitars command the atmosphere, and the lead singer’s voice is as primal as it is prophetic. It’s not immediately listenable—whenever I’ve tried to show it to friends, the results have been resoundingly mixed—but for my money, this album is an exhilarating tour de force, delivered by a passionate band of misfits and revolutionaries at the best time possible.

2. Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming by M83

Prior to this album, I guess you could maybe have called me an M83 fan. I always hand-picked the songs I liked from their albums, but for me there was always a lot of filler tracks that I didn’t care for. When I heard they were doing a double-album, I shuddered at the thought of how much clunkers there might be…except, there weren’t any. And not only that, but this album was really, really good.

We saw hints of it on their previous release, Saturdays = Youth, but this is the first album where M83 fully sheds its shoegazing past in favor of some of the most affecting pop music ever created. From a songwriting perspective, I don’t think they could have done a better job, as each track is able to stand out on its own and convey a strong, emotional feeling to the listener. Aiding this is that Anthony Gonzalez has really opened his voice up and let it rip, which really stands out when compared to his whisper-singing on previous albums. It’s also a very cinematic album that captures the zeitgeist of the best 80’s pop with its spacey, synthy, wall-of-sound approach and its huge, huge choruses. The fact that Gonzalez sounds a bit like Peter Gabriel on some tracks also doesn’t hurt.

I don’t know what it is. All of these songs could have gone so wrongly if anyone but M83 had done this album. Somehow they managed the perfect blend of hopeful, heartbreaking, and nostalgic, and it totally works here.

1. The Balloons Trilogy by The Weeknd

House of Balloons, Thursday, Echoes of Silence

So, here we are. To be honest, I struggled a bit with how I wanted to approach these albums, considering they were released intermittently for free throughout 2011 (March, August, and December)—do I count them as a whole or pick one out of the bunch? Ultimately, I decided to view the trilogy as a whole, mainly because the three mixtapes were intended to constitute one single album from the get-go, each apart of one larger vision.

I don’t think any one artist had a better 2011 than The Weeknd. From a sheer material perspective, the guy (21-year-old Abel Tesafaye) and his team of producers have created not one, but three exceptional releases in the span of just a few months. I mean, what he’s done for R&B in just the span of a year is exceptional when one considers that he released three genre classics that turned the genre upside down. The atmosphere created and maintained during the trilogy is impressive. It’s sorrowful, distorted, and bleak, but not without some powerful hooks and memorable choruses. What I really thought was cool was seeing the retreading of melodies and lyrics throughout the trilogy that helped tie it all together.

The Weeknd’s narrator on the albums, whether fictional or autobiographical, is absolutely fascinating. The lyrics are often overtly sexual and drug-focused, which aren’t groundbreaking topics considering the genre. What sets these lyrics apart, though, is their nature and the way they’re used. There’s no celebration of the narrator’s sins, but rather sadness and regret behind every reference: the overindulgence on drugs is killing him and everyone around him; the sex is destructive and unfulfilling; the rock n’ roll is just a lonely path to rock bottom. When you combine the lyrics with the dark atmospherics and Abel Tesfaye’s angelic voice, it makes for one very unsettling picture. From a storytelling perspective, it’s really, really gripping stuff. What really adds to the mystique is how little we presently know about this guy. I hope that all this stuff is make-believe or hyperbole, but the fact that we really can’t know for sure helps add to the impact of the depravity and destruction we see in the albums.

Chilling, fascinating, and musically satisfying, The Balloons Trilogy was the best thing I listened to last year, and I can’t wait to see what else he has in store for us.

Hope you enjoyed my lists! Feel free to add your thoughts!

Adventures with Chatroulette

The Return of the Blog?

Well, hey. What's up? Nothing much. Anyway, I might be reviving this sucker, especially considering that I never finished posting my thoughts on my Favorite 100 Songs of the Decade. So, gonna try and knock that out of the park. I'll work on that later. In the mean time...

Note: This was written about 7 months ago but I never got around to publishing it. Figured "oh what the heck," although I s'pose that chatroullete's 15 minutes of fame are over at this point. But, better late than never, right?

I am here today to tell you about my Adventures with the website known as "chatroulette." It is a cautionary tale--one mired in unhappiness, I'm afraid. I saw many things on this journey of mine. Things I'd never seen before. Things that frightened me in ways that I'd never even dreamed of. Things that made me doubt my faith in humanity. This journey was not an easy one. It was fraught with difficulties and oftentimes I found myself questioning the purpose of the mission altogether. Let's just say that if I were a woman, I would have curled up into a ball and wept. I also probably wouldn't be a very good driver--but that's another story altogether.

Thankfully, I'm a man, and I although at the time it seemed impossible, I eventually was able to traverse through the Jungle of Pervy Old Dudes and tread water in the Lake of the Nasty Euro-Trash Creepers before finally taking shelter near the Cape of Brotherly Love. And while physically I emerged unscathed, the mental torment I was subjected to during my time on chatroulette might be something I carry with me for the rest of my life. I've seen things...

By now a good percentage of you guys have probably heard the buzz on "chatroulette." For those of you who haven't heard and are probably utterly confused over my opening paragraphs, chatroulette is essentially a free website that pairs random strangers from across the world for webcam conversations. At any point you want you can bail on the person you're chatting with by clicking the "next" button, which will direct your webcam to another random individual. There's no sign up, no user names--just you and an anonymous, unblinking stranger. In all likelihood this unblinking stranger will not be wearing pants.

So that right there is the charm of chatroulette. You can hide under the anonymity of the internet while carrying on a conversation with someone from across the globe you probably never would have met otherwise. Unfortunately, that's where the charm ends. If you do decide to log onto chatroulette upon reading this post, please take heed of my words (for this is a cautionary tale, after all): it's all dicks. Figuratively and literally. In my travels I would estimate that over 90% of the people I got connected to were dudes and that about 20% of these dudes were...disrobed. And that's as nicely as I'm going to put it. Remember, this tale is not for the faint of heart.

Before I describe to you in graphic detail the nature of my exploits, I want to remind you fine folk we (for I was not alone, thankfully) were not quite sure what to expect when we first got on chatroulette. I'd like to tell you that we went along with the site's intended purpose and had all sorts of darling conversations with individuals of varying races, ethnicities, and (most importantly) genders. Unfortunately, that would be a bold-faced lie. About five minutes into the exercise we just chucked that whole idea and spent the rest of our time trying to find hot chicks. If this sad reality repulses you, I apologize. However, let it be known that I'm no different than any other red-blooded American male who loves freedom, football, and chatting with babes on the internet. Booyah.

Alright, enough of that. Let's get down to the meat of the piece. For your viewing pleasures I have included with this entry a list of all the clowns and characters you're likely to run into on chatroulette. It ain't pretty. You have been warned.

Name: The Saucy Senior

Classification: Creepy Old Dude

Latin Name: Creepus Maximus

Frequency of Sighting: Less than 1% (which is still way too much)

In a perfect world old people would do exactly what they're supposed to do: play bingo, fall asleep watching tv, and give you money. That's it. Unfortunately, these days not all old people are adhering to the norms this wonderful society has set forth for them. Instead of sitting around listening to old Perry Como tunes or watching VHS tapes of The Ed Sullivan Show these mossbacks are attempting to re-enter the society that shunned them after they started receiving freebies from us in the form of "Medicare." So, you can only imagine my displeasure whenever I come across an old person out of their habitat (I'm looking at you, Buzz Aldrin. You know darn well that Dancing With the Stars should be the epitaph on your overdue tombstone). This displeasure is amplified times infinity when I come across an old person...on the internet. Our domain! Ours! Little known fact: old people using the internet is the unspoken epidemic responsible for much of the world's current ailments.

In relation to chatroulette, I don't think there is any greater horror than perusing the site for some hotties only to get paired up with some goggle-eyed grandpa chicken-pecking at the keyboard. Just the mere thought of that image makes me shudder. Yet, the thing about the ones on chatroulette is that they're not your typical oldbies. Tell me, what kind of old person would spent their time on a site where most of the users are male and a good percentage of those males spend their time in front of the camera tickling their Elmos for all the world to see? That's what I thought: a freaking creepy one.

Name:

Classification: Dudes in Costume

Latin Name: Uglius Insecuras

Frequency of Sighting: Around 5%

This is probably the most harmless entity I came across during my time on chatroulette. Other than an actual girl, a person in a costume is probably the second best thing you could probably hope to see on chatroulette, for a number of reasons:

1. In order to wear said outfit, one must be clothed. Hypothetically.

2. Since old people don't wear anything other than slacks and overalls, the odds of a creepy old guy using a disguise to trick you are relatively low.

3. Because the individual is wearing a mask or costume, you can pretty much assume that they're fugly, which should result in a boost of self-esteem. This kind of small victory is paramount to one's survival on chatroulette.

4. Occasionally the costumes are fairly amusing, as demonstrated in this photo provided by one of my colleagues:

Note: It can be assumed that the individual in the above photo is a costumed masquerader, because we all know that a ninja never reveals himself unless he's about to slice off your head.

So while a dude wearing a costume is certainly preferable to some of the nasty alternatives, that's not to say that this personage is not without its defects. In the best case scenario you'll come across two dudes dressed as Mario and Luigi. In some unfortunate cases, you could end up with something like this:

Catman never sleeps.

In summary, my recommendation when coming across a costume-dweller is to remain in a state of guarded amusement. You can never be too careful on this site, because the moment you stop maintaining that heightened level of alertness is the moment a giant weiner pops up on your screen.

Note: And this is where I stopped working. I guess I couldn't come up with a creative Latin name for people holding signs on chatroulette--not that the other names were barn-burners. Ah well. So yeah, gonna stop here. Kind of lost my legal pad with all ma' notes, so, yeah. But hey, stay tuned. I might be updating this sucker more often.

<>

Ah, yes, I suppose there's been a bit of a delay of sorts lately

Sorry about that. Not that most of you have been waiting on hand and foot for my next blog post, but for all three of you that have, I apologize. It's been a combination of getting swamped by school and just the very general condition of laziness. I'm hoping to have something to turn out to you guys pretty soon here, so just bear with me as I try to close out the school semester. Don't worry, the bloggage ain't done.

k, bai.

Listomania: Favorite Songs of the 00's (50-41)

50. "Shine a Light" by Wolf Parade (Apologies to the Queen Mary, 2005)

There's a certain sort of song that has a special place in my heart, and it's the driving, guitar-driven rock anthem--something "Shine a Light" is an archetype of. As soon as the song begins the listener is given quick-stepped, urgent guitar strumming bracketed with calculator-synth sounds that persist throughout the song's four-minute running time. Since their inception Wolf Parade have been known for their unique vocals, which consist of Dan Boeckner's gruffness and Spencer Krug's Bowie-esque warble, so it's really cool on this track especially to see the two voices play off of each other. Ultimately, it's the song's ability to convey the feeling of resilience despite confusion that makes it stand out. It's unexpectedly moving stuff for such a foot-tapper.

49. "My Love" by Justin Timberlake (FutureSex/LoveSounds, 2006)

I'm not going to lie, my initial reaction to Justin Timberlake was one of aversion. Perhaps this was because I've never had a huge ear for pop or because at the time I was still attaching to him all the stigma normally associated with boy bands. No matter, the man won me over. In 2006, upon the release of this album, you could say that the new "king of pop" had been crowned, with "My Love" being his coronation. Pay no mind to the run-of-the-mill loveydovey lyrics: it's JT's style that makes this song, what with his sugar-sweet falsetto and suave delivery that succinctly convey to any girl that it's babymakin' time. And then to top it all off is an immensely catchy beat and some infectious synthesizers that only further the notion that this song is in the same, special group as those written by Michael Jackson in the 1980's (i.e., pop, but darn good pop).

48. "One Two Three Four" by Feist (The Reminder, 2007)

Maybe I'll always have a soft spot for Feist since she's a member of Broken Social Scene, but this is also just a genuinely catchy, musically jubilant track that is the musical equivalent of a warm summer day spent in your hammock. Her airy vocals are relaxed yet soaring (but not to the point of being over-the-top) and fit together perfectly with the song's dense instrumentation (banjo, horns, a rickety piano). What's interesting is that in this particular selection of ten songs (50-41 on the list, that is), five are, arguably, examples of "pop perfection," with this track being among those five.

47. "Since I Left You" by the Avalanches (Since I Left You, 2001)

Here's one that's going to leave a smile on your face. It's amazing to me that on an album that contains over 900 samples, this band is able to find the right mixture to create something undeniably addictive and captivating. On "Since I Left You" the samples are all over the place, although most have a sort of tropical feel to them, with light-hearted flutes, sunny strings, a girlish tenor, and a looping beat that all come together in a composition that is nothing short of buoyant.

46. "Electric Feel" by MGMT (Oracular Spectacular, 2007)

Another one of those songs that has "summer" written all over it. Making use of a Bee Gees-esque falsetto, the boys coo and strut around on "Electric Feel" in a way that would have made Prince proud. While on occasion the band can become bloated by the diverse musical styles in their repertoire, on "Electric Feel" they find a happy equilibrium for their spacey, electro-funk and disco theatrics. Maybe it's the snappy bassline or the chorus that brims with energy, but this is one astonishingly fresh-sounding track despite being steeped in retro sounds.

45. "At Least That's What You Said" by Wilco (a ghost is born, 2004)

Ah, yes, Wilco's take on the age-old breakup song. The song starts off typical enough for your standard breakup fare: slow guitar strumming and delicate piano chords followed by Jeff Tweedy's quietly mournful lyrics...and then suddenly, around the two-minute mark, the still air is punctuated by the violent snap of a distorted electric guitar followed by the dramatic booming of drums and bass. The guitar then takes over the rest of the song, driving it with the force of a punch to the stomach. It's an immensely bitter track, as witnessed by the absolute thrashing Tweedy gives his SG. It's also a beautiful track in the sense that the band lets the aggressive guitar solo (one of my all-time favorites) do all the talking necessary to convey the turbulent nature of a bad breakup.

44. "Haiti" by Arcade Fire (Funeral, 2004)

Regine Chassagne takes lead vocals here (normally the job of husband Win Butler) and alternates between French and English in a song that is essentially a tribute to the land her family emigrated from. To Chassagne, Haiti is a nation that still remains very much apart of her and her family's lives, despite its deathly societal and natural problems. What's interesting is how peppy the music sounds: the guitar strumming is vivacious and the bass line dapper as the listener is essentially transported to the exotic island, with cool water effects to boot. Yet, despite how upbeat the music may sound, the lyrics are uniformly heartbreaking, making reference to the death and chaos her family escaped from; themes that fit all too well with the album's "funeral" theme. What's interesting is how the song's upbeat sound contrasts starkly with its lyrics, much like how Haiti's tropical locale contrasts with its violent history.

43. "Mykonos" by Fleet Foxes (Sun Giant EP, 2008)

If I could write melodies half as good as this one I wouldn't be writing this list right now; I'd probably be off touring the country with my awesome band (The Birmingham Bricklayers) and living off the royalties I received from licensing my songs to car-makers for their commercials. What's cool about Fleet Foxes though is how all the dudes can sing, kind of like The Eagles or CSNY back in the day. "Mykonos" begins with a wordless harmony from the band before Robin Pecknold's powerful vocals take over and drive the rest of the song (although the rest of the boys all join in for a powerful a capella near the middle). The song's sound as a whole hearkens back to the old-timey, woodsy feel of songs past, which is no small feat in the day of advanced electronics and computerized soundscapes.

42. "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn And John (Writer's Block, 2006)

Oh, man. The whistling! PB & J's breakthrough single was so huge when it came out (for an indie song at least), mainly due to its effortless melody perpetuated by that whistling, that freaking catchy whistling. It's a very breezy song that on top of the whistling bit features some deadpan (but surprisingly beautiful) male and female vocals and bongo drumming. It's just excellent pop music with incomparable universal appeal--even someone who has never heard the song before is going to be tapping their feet by song's end.

41. "99 Problems" by Jay-Z (The Black Album, 2003)

Yeah, Jay-Z was big before this song, but this was the one that propelled him to super stardom. I mean, just as a testament to the song's influence, the phrase "I got 99 problems..." has pretty much become apart of the common vernacular. The Rick Rubin-produced track is mainly made up of a stripped down beat and a stadium-sized guitar riff that loop throughout the track. And while the riff is pretty monstrous, it's Jay-Z's surefooted lyrics and confident swagger that command the track. What's really neat to see is one of the most memorable moments in music from the past decade: in the song's last verse Jay-Z spouts out the lyric "you're crazy for this one, Rick," at which point you can almost see Jay-Z's huge grin beaming back at Rick Rubin in the sound booth, both of them knowing that they'd just nailed it, big time.

Stupid Phrases and Expressions That Make Me Want to Kill a Puppy

Yes, even him.

Ah, yes. The beauty that is the English vernacular. There's nothing quite like it on earth in terms of eloquence and sheer melodiousness. It is the language upon which all other languages SHALL be judged. Don't believe me? Well, tell me then, why do Europeans practically melt every time an American tourist demands to pay for something in American dollars? Tell me why Africans are so perplexed by our ability to put together sentences without making clicking noises or extravagant gestures with out hands. And explain to me why our ability to use a multitude of different tones and pitches in our voices has garnered the jealousy of Asians, who sadly have but one pitch: LOUD.

It truly is wonderful to be an American, where English was made.

All kidding aside (but not really), English is a pretty cool language. Maybe not as cool as French, but it at least totally kicks Lithuanian's butt. And don't even get me started with Finnish. Despite this, the English language ain't perfect and neither are its speakers. We constantly use expressions that don't mean what we intend for them to mean, which aren't nearly as bad as the little filler phrases that don't mean anything at all. And believe me when I say that everybody uses these dumb phrases at some point or another. Heck, I'm trying my darnedest to avoid using one of them right now. Irony can be so cruel sometimes. So, without further delay, here are the phrases/expressions that annoy me the most.

1. "You have no idea."

Example: Man, life can be so sad sometimes, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

Okay, fine. I'm sure in some instances the recipient of the remark "you have no idea" truly has "no idea" as to what the person is expressing. But most of the time when someone says "you have no idea," a lot of us have at least a pretty decent idea as to whatever it is they're referring to. This is because most of us have a good grasp as to how empathy works, so when someone says something like "man, losing my job sucked," it's not too difficult for most humans to momentarily put themselves in that person's shoes and have at least a general idea as to what they're experiencing. You don't need to add "you have no idea" to the end of a statement like that unless the person you're talking to is an infant or mentally retarded, at which point it might actually be a fair assessment.

I hear it all the time, though: "this means so much to me, you have no idea," "it's so hard being a girl, you have no idea," or "burying dead hookers under my crawlspace is so time-consuming, you have no idea." Every time I hear that phrase tacked onto the end of a sentence I just think to myself "well, let's see, this concept you've placed before me isn't exactly molecular nanoscience, so I'm pretty sure I at least have some basic 'idea' as to what you're trying to convey."

2. "You're kidding, right?"

Example: You haven't heard of Jackson Pollock? A-ha-ha. Wait, you're kidding, right?

This phrase needs to be stricken outright. It is snarky, rude, and serves no real purpose other than to belittle someone. It's a cop-out from saying what you're really thinking, which is "wow, you're $@#%ing stupid." Another statement in the same vein is "you're not serious, are you?" These expressions suck. Stop saying them.

3. ... (overuse of ellipses)

Example: Hmm...America's overuse of ellipses...makes me want to...uioerthuisejgrFUUUUU

Don't get me wrong, I like ellipses...when they're used properly (lolz, see what I did thar? I's clever). I don't like ellipses when there are at least four sets of them in your facebook status. Ellipses should be used for pauses in speech, unfinished thoughts, or for when you're wanting to trail off at the end of a sentence for dramatic effect...

What bothers me is when people use them following a statement that doesn't require ellipses, like, for example, "thank you..." or "okay..." This just makes you look unsure--or, in layman's terms, stupid. I mean, God forbid we use a period or a semi-colon. Even worse (and this applies primarily to the internet realm) is when you say something and a person's response is "...", which pretty much says the exact same thing as #2 on this list does.

4. "I'm sure you'll do great" (and similar blind votes of confidence)

Example: "Haven't heard back from that law school yet? Well, I'm SURE you'll get in."

This one grinds my gears. Sure, the person is trying to be nice and instill some assurance in you, but in reality most of us just think to ourselves "really? You're sure? What makes you so sure, Mr. Omniscient?" When I say something like "man, I think I might have done badly on that test," I mean just that. I know my brain, I know the exam I just took, and I know the two did not get along very well. I don't need someone to tell me "I'm sure you did fine" when I know darn well that my performance on that exam was something akin to this:

5. "Can I borrow your...[insert unborrowable object here]"

Example: Hey, you mind if I borrow a cigarette?

Here's another dumb phrase that doesn't make a lot of sense but everybody still uses. We as Americans don't like to be upfront about anything ever and often find ways to sugarcoat what we really mean, including when we want to take or use something that doesn't belong to us. There are plenty of situations when "can I borrow your..." works ("stapler," "phone," "handgun"). The problem is that we oftentimes use it in situations where we're not borrowing at all. We're taking.

I mean, tell me, good sir, do you genuinely intend to "borrow" my piece of paper and return it to me at a later date? Or should you be saying what you really mean, which is "mind if I use a piece of paper to write on?"

6. "I gave it 110%."

Example: Well, my boys came out to play today and gave it 110%, so that's why we won.

Okay, before I begin, I get this idiom. I get what it's trying to convey; i.e., that someone worked so hard that they gave everything they had and then some. Yet, while I might be bad at math, I at least have enough basic understanding to know that 110% is technically impossible when 100% is all there is. Heck, even giving 100% is not a viable strategy because you can't "give everything you've got" without kicking the bucket. I mean, just think of what would happen to your car engine if you "gave it 110%."

It would explode.

Saying "110%" is the same thing as having an amp that "goes to eleven" in the sense that it devalues the preset rules we have in place regarding percentages. Kind of like in Dragonball Z where the characters kept finding ways to reach new Super Saiyan levels, at which point viewers were just like "come on, wtf? What happened to Super Saiyan 3 being the end-all?"

You guys know what I'm talking about.

Freakin' Spirit Bomb, that's what.

7. Pronouncing words in their native tongue

Example: In other news today, there was an Earthquake in Meh-hee-ko.

This is probably a personal pet peeve moreso than anything else, but it irks me to no end when people pronounce foreign countries or places the way natives of that country to do. The worst offender that comes to mind is when all the news anchors made the switch from calling Chile "Chili" to "Chee-lay." Now, I'm all about world awareness and respecting other people's cultures. The thing is, we've got to be consistent here. We can't just pick and choose which countries we refer to in their native tongues and which ones we don't. It's woefully pretentious. Why make the switch to calling it "Chee-lay" when you're not calling France "Frahnce" or Germany "Deutschland?" Yarrrrhhhhhhhhhhh

8. "No offense, but..."

Example: No offense, but your band sucks.

Here's another one of those quips where we say the exact opposite of what we're really intending. The worst part about this one is that everybody, everybody knows how it works. Anytime someone prefaces a statement with "no offense," everybody knows that some sort of insult or snide remark is sure to follow. It's just another example of English-speakers camouflaging what they really mean. Either grow some a pair and just say what you're trying to say outright or just follow the etiquette of "if you can't say anything nice..."

9. "At the end of the day,"

Example: At the end of the day, being really rich is awesome.

"At the end of the day" is the cliche of all cliches. It means nothing and in reality translates to "filler statement followed by stupid anecdote meant to inspire." Just say "ultimately." Seriously.

Conclusion

These empty phrases and sayings are everywhere in our language and are the linguistic equivalent of a Cambodian minefield. If I ever meet a Tibetan Mystic that grants wishes, my first wish would be to strip all the asinine phraseology us English-speakers use on a daily basis. My second wish would be to have a giant Submarine in the shape of an octopus. But I digress.

While some of our words and witticisms are pretty sweet, it's stolid utterances like these that unfortunately seem to take up the brunt of our vernacular. Heck, with all these filler sentences that mean nothing floating around, I'm beginning to wonder if we're no different from Furbies.

Me love you.

Just something to think about.